When Cats Can’t Be Friends

Inter-cat conflict has been the most common behaviour concern cat parents have reached out to me about for the past 3 years.

Inter-cat conflict includes fighting, ongoing tension, or signs of stress between multiple cats in the same home. This conflict can be between newcomer kitties and resident cats, or cats who once lived peacefully together. These situations are often emotional, exhausting, and confusing.

The truth is: cat relationships are complicated.

Behaviour work is not magic. While many cats can learn to feel safer and more comfortable with time and support, not all cats will become friends or rebuild friendship. And sometimes, despite doing everything “right”, you may have to make a hard choice.

So, what can you do when you feel you’re at that crossroads?

First ask yourself:
Have we made progress?
Think about where you started and where you are now. Are things moving forward, even slowly? Or do you feel stuck in the same situation?

Next ask:
How are my cats feeling?
Are your cats relaxed, playful, and able to enjoy their daily lives? Or are you managing constant stress, fear, or tension just to keep the peace?

Then consider yourself:
Do you have the time, energy, and emotional capacity to continue managing the situation long-term or permanently?

Finally, it can help to make a pros and cons list for your cats’ and your own wellbeing.

Some of my past clients, after many conversations with me and their families, have made the difficult but loving choice to change their cats’ living situation. For some, that meant rehoming one cat to a carefully chosen loving family. For others, it meant creating a permanently separated home where each cat could feel safe and secure.

These decisions are never easy, and they’re often not the outcome you hoped for when you imagined life with your cats. But choosing peace, safety, and quality of life, for your cats and for yourself, can be the kindest decision and is never a failure.

If you’re not at this hard final decision yet, and you’re feeling unsure about how to continue forward, I can help guide you to the path that feels right for your cats and your home.
See my cat-conflict tailored packages here.